So I Met Someone Special

As I casually mentioned in my last post, my country got to host the arrival of an international guest. 

Someone very Special. 

When news of his arrival spread online, at first I thought it was an April Fools that was 2 months too late or something. But it turned out people weren't being crazy, it was true. Jose Mourinho, currently the big guy at Real Madrid, was invited here to Indonesia (of all places) by a rich Singaporean businessman. I'm not sure why the rich dude invited Mou to Indonesia instead of Singapore, but it has something to do with his charity foundation. But I heard he did make it to Singapore (and Malaysia), so yeah, I think he was doing a sort of mini Asia Pacific tour.

Anyway, I am lucky enough to actually be working in the press. Unfortunately, not lucky enough to be sent to cover Mou's meet and greet. Pssh, I know right? Who would be better for the job, seriously, everyone who reads my blog knows I am totally a hard-hitting journalist.

A+ photography skills. credit to whoever.

Mou is long gone but that hasn't stopped me from thinking about all the important questions I would have asked if I had the chance to meet him face to face.

Here is the interview I would have done with Mou and how it would have gone down.

Me: Hello, Jose! Mourinho. Mou? Jo? What do you prefer I call you?

Jose Mourinho: The Special One will suffice.

Me: Alright, then. But I'll call you S for short, if you don't mind.

The Special One (TSO): No, I don't. I don't really care.

Me: First thing's first, how are you liking it at Madrid?

TSO: Meh, it's pretty good. I can't complain. We just won the Liga, so that's nice.

Me: Yeah, congrats on that. No broken trophies?

TSO: No. We didn't let Sergio touch it this time.

Me: Great precautions. So what's up with the gum chewing and notebook?

TSO: Are you kidding? Gum is great. It keeps my jaw nice and tight, that's why I'm still looking hella fly at 49. The notebook is for my feelings.

Me: Feelings? You mean things you feel during a Madrid game?

TSO: Of course. Expressing your feelings is very important. But, obviously, I can't tell the boys what I feel during the game, so I write it in my book for locker room talk after.

Me: Does it help with their game? I mean, your scribbles.

TSO: We won the Liga so obviously it's working.

Me: Why did you poke Tito Vilanova in the eye that time?

TSO: Why are people still talking about that! It's not like I shot the guy, I'm not Ashley Cole. I told you, I was trying to help Tito because he had something in his eye. It's not my fault he moved into my finger.

Me: Well, of course people keep asking about it. Why are you whining? Do you feel victimized?

TSO: Yes, yes I do! Completely, all the time. Everything I do is wrong in the public's eye [no pun intended]. I feel like an older, hotter Cristiano.

Me: Speaking of, how are your relations with him?

TSO: I'm not gay, if that's what you're suggesting.

Me: I mean as coach and player.

TSO: Oh. We get along good. It's hard though, because we both have egos the size of Saturn. But he listens to me. Except about tanning and hair gel. I still can't get him to lay off that stuff. He thinks it helps him with his goal precision.

Me: Who is your favorite player?

TSO: That is like asking me who my favorite child is. But my favorite is Karim. He is a french lion.

Me: What are your thoughts about Pep Guardiola? He's moving to New York, you know.

TSO: Hah, so I've heard. He thinks he's so classy, moving to New York to take some time off of football. If I took a break from football, I'd die. I'm like a football shark.

Me: So I take it your relations with him aren't that good?

TSO: What? I never said that. I like Pep.

Me: Okay then, one last question. What do you want to say to the people who think you're an egotistical sunuvabitch?

TSO: Don't hate me cus you ain't me.

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x Natasha