The captain of your National Team is in hot waters and humiliatingly stripped of the captain band for the whole world to see, causing a major English football meltdown. What is your next step as manager?
Well, the only sensible thing would be to not only tell them bastards how you really feel about the whole situation, but also resign from your managerial position altogether. Obviously.
While Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand are out campaigning to support good old 'Arry and his dogs for next England NT manager, I've been meditating by my imaginary waterfall to think of who I'd give my support to in hopes of carrying on the burden left behind by Fabio Capello. These are the top candidates that come to mind, in no particular order. 'Cause it doesn't really matter anyway.
MARADONA
Loved by all and hated by many, this crazy old hombre could be a good asset to the England NT. Yes, he might be really loud and loco, but that's the beauty of it all. It's not like the England NT are favorites to win the World Cup (like, ever) so might as well add some more spice to the soup, I am just sayin'. This legend is entertaining, which is what football is all about. And even though he's not actually English, at least he can speak english. I think.
ROY HODGSON
He already has the perfect track record to continue on what the England NT was already doing, so he won't have trouble fitting into the role. He's old and saggy and not really that good at it, but he's - wait for it - he's ENGLISH! Isn't that what the English public wants? A "real Englishman" for the English team. We should give them what they want. Football is for the people, you know. Hashtag #HodgsonforEngland to show your support!
PIERS MORGAN
Also known as the Simon Cowell for the poor man, he's apparently one of the best sports pundits available out there at the moment. CNN hired him so that right there is automatic legitimacy in his competence and intelligence. He's very humble and charming. He's really into football and he's the kind of guy who is very consistent with everything he says. Well, sort of. Kind of. Okay, not really.
And yes, that advertisement behind him is real.
ANFIELD CAT
Already a football sensation with an ever-growing twitter following, this ferocious feline might be just what the Three Lions needs. He (or she? I think it's a he) is funny, clever, witty, and knows what's up. He's already made friends with people in high places. The fact that he hails from Liverpool might be a bit of a bump for his rise to the top job since the FA really loves that other kind of red, but I really think he's the number one for the position, you guys. Plus, if things don't work out with this one, we can always try the brother.
Now that's settled, what about the other super important position that John Terry left? Who ever it is that's going to replace him, England needs someone who isn't as a sleaze or descriminative as the former captain is because that would make things a bit awkward in England's locker room, wouldn't it?
High hopes for England! Cheers!
x Natasha
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