So I Met Someone Special

As I casually mentioned in my last post, my country got to host the arrival of an international guest. 

Someone very Special. 

When news of his arrival spread online, at first I thought it was an April Fools that was 2 months too late or something. But it turned out people weren't being crazy, it was true. Jose Mourinho, currently the big guy at Real Madrid, was invited here to Indonesia (of all places) by a rich Singaporean businessman. I'm not sure why the rich dude invited Mou to Indonesia instead of Singapore, but it has something to do with his charity foundation. But I heard he did make it to Singapore (and Malaysia), so yeah, I think he was doing a sort of mini Asia Pacific tour.

Anyway, I am lucky enough to actually be working in the press. Unfortunately, not lucky enough to be sent to cover Mou's meet and greet. Pssh, I know right? Who would be better for the job, seriously, everyone who reads my blog knows I am totally a hard-hitting journalist.

A+ photography skills. credit to whoever.

Mou is long gone but that hasn't stopped me from thinking about all the important questions I would have asked if I had the chance to meet him face to face.

Here is the interview I would have done with Mou and how it would have gone down.

Me: Hello, Jose! Mourinho. Mou? Jo? What do you prefer I call you?

Jose Mourinho: The Special One will suffice.

Me: Alright, then. But I'll call you S for short, if you don't mind.

The Special One (TSO): No, I don't. I don't really care.

Me: First thing's first, how are you liking it at Madrid?

TSO: Meh, it's pretty good. I can't complain. We just won the Liga, so that's nice.

Me: Yeah, congrats on that. No broken trophies?

TSO: No. We didn't let Sergio touch it this time.

Me: Great precautions. So what's up with the gum chewing and notebook?

TSO: Are you kidding? Gum is great. It keeps my jaw nice and tight, that's why I'm still looking hella fly at 49. The notebook is for my feelings.

Me: Feelings? You mean things you feel during a Madrid game?

TSO: Of course. Expressing your feelings is very important. But, obviously, I can't tell the boys what I feel during the game, so I write it in my book for locker room talk after.

Me: Does it help with their game? I mean, your scribbles.

TSO: We won the Liga so obviously it's working.

Me: Why did you poke Tito Vilanova in the eye that time?

TSO: Why are people still talking about that! It's not like I shot the guy, I'm not Ashley Cole. I told you, I was trying to help Tito because he had something in his eye. It's not my fault he moved into my finger.

Me: Well, of course people keep asking about it. Why are you whining? Do you feel victimized?

TSO: Yes, yes I do! Completely, all the time. Everything I do is wrong in the public's eye [no pun intended]. I feel like an older, hotter Cristiano.

Me: Speaking of, how are your relations with him?

TSO: I'm not gay, if that's what you're suggesting.

Me: I mean as coach and player.

TSO: Oh. We get along good. It's hard though, because we both have egos the size of Saturn. But he listens to me. Except about tanning and hair gel. I still can't get him to lay off that stuff. He thinks it helps him with his goal precision.

Me: Who is your favorite player?

TSO: That is like asking me who my favorite child is. But my favorite is Karim. He is a french lion.

Me: What are your thoughts about Pep Guardiola? He's moving to New York, you know.

TSO: Hah, so I've heard. He thinks he's so classy, moving to New York to take some time off of football. If I took a break from football, I'd die. I'm like a football shark.

Me: So I take it your relations with him aren't that good?

TSO: What? I never said that. I like Pep.

Me: Okay then, one last question. What do you want to say to the people who think you're an egotistical sunuvabitch?

TSO: Don't hate me cus you ain't me.

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x Natasha

What Football Has Taught Me in 3 Months

Hello my football kittens!

It's been a while since my last post (3 months actually) and a lot has gone on in the footy world. Some good, some bad, some hilarious and some I don't really want to talk about (but will anyway because I have too many feelings). Whatever they may be, these happenings in football have taught me a thing or two about life. Yes, football is the sport that keeps on giving.

Let's take a look at some of the football highlights that have happened during my unintentional hiatus and what wisdom they have accidentally bestowed on me:

WHAT HAPPENED: Manchester City took the Premier title away from Manchester United this year. In yo face, Fergie!

LESSONS LEARNED: Don't be a douche just because your team has won a title 19 times, because karma is a bitch. Also, don't print things in advance.

WHAT HAPPENED: Chelsea won the Champions League. Not sure how that happened. Where the hell was Mario Gomez?

LESSONS LEARNED: Money cannot buy you happiness, but it damn well will buy you the Champions League. Don't trust Germans.

WHAT HAPPENED: Barcelona's King Guardiola decided to not renew his contract for another season and plans spending his free time with family by moving to New York. 

LESSONS LEARNED: Never fall in love with a coach. Because they will leave you and you will die.

Note to self: send Pep a jar of my tears for him to bring with him to the States.

WHAT HAPPENED: Liverpool also lost their King Kenny because the guys at Fenway Sports Group don't know what the hell they are doing.

LESSONS LEARNED: Suits are asshats and they should never be allowed to make decisions of importance in matters as life changing as football.

Note to self: save money to fly to Liverpool to give Kenny a hug. Try not to get a restraining order while doing so.

WHAT HAPPENED: England has a new number one man and it ain't Prince Charles......... It is actually Roy Hodgson.

LESSONS LEARNED: I am totally kind of psychic.

WHAT HAPPENED: The 2012 Euros are here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So far the Greeks beat Poland with 2 men down, Holland could not live up to their rep against Denmark, Spain tied 1-1 with the Italians and England tied with the same score to France, which no one can decide is a good thing or not.

LESSONS LEARNED: Greeks are unpredictable and very nice to look at. And Italy needs to do something about Balotelli before he causes an international incident.

Tonight is Portugal vs Denmark, which will definitely be a treat, especially with a special guest visiting my country to commentate on the game.

Who are you rooting for? Happy Euros, everyone!

x Natasha

Bros Before You-Know-Whats

Tis the time of the year where couples show off their love for one another in some inappropriate ways and single people seem more aware of their single status. Valentine's Day is either annoying or really great, depending on your situation. But there is another type of love far superior than your average adam and eve. This kind of romance is a different kind, a better, more important kind of love - it's the baller bromance.

One of the best things about football players is that, aside from their macho and manly public persona, they have absolute disregard for personal space with their teammates, which often leads to epic bromances being born. We should celebrate that. It IS the day for all loves, right?

I know I'm late on posting this but it is forever a relevant topic, okay.

TOP BALLER BROMANCES [with ratings!]

*the bigger and more rainbow ratings a bromance has, the less hetero and more epic it is

(1) BENDTSEY . Nicklas Bendtner/Aaron Ramsey

Nicklas, or Nicky as I like to call him (because we're tight like that), is one of my favorite players. Not necessarily on the pitch, but more regards to his wonderfully weird personality and Danish beauty. Back when things were a bit off the leash (understatement) and Nicky was still a Gunner, him and Aaron were really close. Seems like an odd pair, what with Aaron and his clean-cut good boy image and Nicky and his..... not-so-good-boy image. But love knows no bounds, ey? Nicky looked after him when Aaron got injured on the pitch and stood up to any prick trying to have a go at his mate. Dedicating a game for your woman lover is one thing, but he dedicated a whole league win to Aaron. They even shared clothing, for heaven's sake! After Nicky left Arsenal, he still likes to make little shout outs for his former club and his little homie. Certainly best friends for -effing- ever.

Bromance rated : 
                            

(2) BECKSILLAS . David Beckham/Iker Casillas

One of the oldest bromances out there, of course I had to put these two buddies on my list. When Beckham and Casillas were in the same team at Real Madrid, they were very cheesy intimate friends and Becks' boys loved Uncle Iker. I do wonder how they even managed to communicate since I'm pretty sure Iker can't speak any english without google translate and Beckham has zero spanish skills. I guess feelings (and a lot of hand gesturing) are more powerful than words. Becks also rooted for his Spanish amigo during the race to win the coveted Ballon d'Or in 2010 because, well, Iker is his friend. Still friends after all this time and all these non-translatable words. A true bromance.

Bromance rated : 
                                     

(3) XAVIESTA . Xavi Hernandez/Andres Iniesta

You have to be real close with someone if they post a naked picture of you on the internet to your adoring fans without hesitation. Their closeness manifests into the work place, where Xavi and Iniesta are worshipped upon as the perfect duet on a daily basis. They basically do everything together - play together, win trophies and awards together, just down right be awesome together. What more could a friendship ask for? Like peanut butter and jam, they complete each other. Their bond is so strong, they have a kind of telepathic lingo on the field that only they understand, like super identical twins or something (7:37-8:04) which works wonders for Barcelona. One of the best midfield affairs in years.

Bromance rated : 
                             
                              

(4) RALVARO . Raul Albiol/Alvaro Arbeloa

These cheeky clowns are two of my favorites, especially with the fact that it seems like they are always. with. each. other. Hobbies include causing mischief together and spying on classy Ginger spainiards, even during National Team duty. They also have a lot in common, like their love for England. Truly as if an old married couple, I'm sure Alvaro's also the one that got Raul to finally lose the caveman do'. One of the funniest and certainly best looking bromances in football, I hope they never have to part from one another.

Bromance rated : 
                                                         

(5) FABRIYOL . Cesc Fabregas/Gerard Pique/Carles Puyol

We have ourselves a football threesome here people! Fond memories of this three-way bromance (famously dubbed as the MOC MOC TRIO) like that time they had a tweetsome over Christmas trees. Pique and Cesc developed their friendship first, being both La Masia bred from their early years. Mama Pique has said that Cesc is just like part of the family and Pique loves Carlota Fabregas like his own little sister. Then, somewhere along the way Puyol thought it was a good idea to join these fools and form a trio. I guess all that shouting Puyol had to do on the pitch to keep Pique in line was the start of something beautiful. These brothers show that friendship transcends age, given the fact that Pique and Cesc are both many years Puyol's junior. I think Captain Puyol may be a young soul at heart, which is the only explanation to this combo, really.

Bromance rated : 
                            

(6) GERLONSO . Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso

Once upon a time, there was a great Spanish lad that was moved to one of the greatest football clubs in England, where he befriended a handsome Scouse captain who helped him ease into his overseas transition. This pair has got to be one of the most beloved football bromances, especially among Liverpool fans. Not the only one to lock lips, but definitely the most talked about, these two have only love and mutual respect for one another. Even after the bromance was cut off ever so-rudely, the adoration carries on. Stevie obviously wouldn't mind having him back, and I don't think Xabi would mind coming back either. It's epic because it can never be fulfilled (says Woody Allen movies).

Bromance rated : 

Just goes to show that real men aren't afraid to show their feelings.

Happy belated Valentine's Day!

x Natasha

The Future of England Does Not Involve the Queen

The captain of your National Team is in hot waters and humiliatingly stripped of the captain band for the whole world to see, causing a major English football meltdown. What is your next step as manager?

Well, the only sensible thing would be to not only tell them bastards how you really feel about the whole situation, but also resign from your managerial position altogether. Obviously.

While Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand are out campaigning to support good old 'Arry and his dogs for next England NT manager, I've been meditating by my imaginary waterfall to think of who I'd give my support to in hopes of carrying on the burden left behind by Fabio Capello. These are the top candidates that come to mind, in no particular order. 'Cause it doesn't really matter anyway.

MARADONA

Loved by all and hated by many, this crazy old hombre could be a good asset to the England NT. Yes, he might be really loud and loco, but that's the beauty of it all. It's not like the England NT are favorites to win the World Cup (like, ever) so might as well add some more spice to the soup, I am just sayin'. This legend is entertaining, which is what football is all about. And even though he's not actually English, at least he can speak english. I think.

ROY HODGSON

He already has the perfect track record to continue on what the England NT was already doing, so he won't have trouble fitting into the role. He's old and saggy and not really that good at it, but he's - wait for it - he's ENGLISH! Isn't that what the English public wants? A "real Englishman" for the English team. We should give them what they want. Football is for the people, you know. Hashtag #HodgsonforEngland to show your support!

PIERS MORGAN

Also known as the Simon Cowell for the poor man, he's apparently one of the best sports pundits available out there at the moment. CNN hired him so that right there is automatic legitimacy in his competence and intelligence. He's very humble and charming. He's really into football and he's the kind of guy who is very consistent with everything he says. Well, sort of. Kind of. Okay, not really.

And yes, that advertisement behind him is real.

ANFIELD CAT

Already a football sensation with an ever-growing twitter following, this ferocious feline might be just what the Three Lions needs. He (or she? I think it's a he) is funny, clever, witty, and knows what's up. He's already made friends with people in high places. The fact that he hails from Liverpool might be a bit of a bump for his rise to the top job since the FA really loves that other kind of red, but I really think he's the number one for the position, you guys. Plus, if things don't work out with this one, we can always try the brother.

Now that's settled, what about the other super important position that John Terry left? Who ever it is that's going to replace him, England needs someone who isn't as a sleaze or descriminative as the former captain is because that would make things a bit awkward in England's locker room, wouldn't it?

High hopes for England! Cheers!

x Natasha

Real Dirty

What happens when you dress up a wild bull in a white jersey and release him on a football field during a big game against FC Barcelona?

That is what happens.

Everyone was furiously disgusted with this deliberate foul (you can see El Bull actually looking before he stepped on Messi's hand). And when I say everyone was mad I really mean EVERYONE - even the Moubsessed spanish press. Instead of their usual worship, the next day the headlines condemned the club, especially Pepe's infamous Messi stamp. One article even called Pepe "a public danger" like he was some sort of disease virus that was spreading around Spain.

I don't know what was going on in his brain when he thought stepping on Messi's hand would be an amazing idea to do, but you know it's really bad when even Wayne Rooney is calling you an idiot. Real Madrid made Pepe apologize publicly, but the damage to Real's image had been done. Who is going to believe in this PR crap? I don't think even the most deluded Madridista would fall for that shit. You know who he should be apologizing to directly? Umm, the guy who he actually stepped on. Just a suggestion.

To make the Real fiasco even worse, reports have been going public about a pretty intense dressing room squabble between Sergio Ramos and Los Blancos numero uno Jose Mourinho. Here is the confrontation that was overheard by everyone working under Real, since apparently they were all shouting at each other :

Mad Mou : "Serhio! You killed us! You killed us!"

The Ramos : "I did not kill you. You are still here, yes?"

Mad Mou : "I mean figuratively, you idiot!"

The Ramos : "Ohh..... figuratively. What does that mean?"

Mad Mou : "NEVERMIND WHAT IT MEANS. Where were you when Tarzan (Puyol) made his goal?!"

The Ramos : "I was guarding Pique, D'UUH."

San Iker : "Sir, if I may cut in-"

Mad Mou : "SHUT UP, IKER."

San Iker : "Okay."

Mad Mou : "Why were you on Pique?! You were suppose to be on Puyol!"

The Ramos : "Well, sometimes things get really confusing on the pitch - sometimes I get really confused anywhere - but at the time we decided to switch places cus I was watching Pique. He's a big mutherfu-"

Mad Mou : "Oh, so you're trying to be coach now, HUH??"

The Ramos : "No, but at least I've actually been on this kind of a pitch, unlike some people." 

Kaka : "Awww, snap."

Mad Mou : (scribbles in his notebook furiously)

That was all from my head but it's basically real since my imagination is as legit a source as Spanish media reports.

So, will this Real Madrid fiesta end in June?

Regardless, King Guardiola will be classily watching from his gold throne.

tears for Real

x Natasha

He's a Keeper

If you were the long-time head honcho of one of the biggest football clubs in England with a position on the pitch to be filled, what would you do?

It's been, what, 8 months since the departure of previous Manchester United goalkeeping legend Edwin van der Sar (or better known as VDS) and still his position between the posts has yet to be taken. Not because United doesn't have any replacement, rather they are ripped between choices : One being the talented young goalie from out of the country, David De Gea, and the other import being Danish goalkeeper, Anders Lindegaard. Both are young, talented, and proven eager to play for the club, but how do they compare?

Anders Lindegaard

27; Denmark

Date of purchase : November 2010

Transfer fee : only Fergie and his gum knows

Track record before United : capped 4 Internationals with generally clean sheets

Track record after United (this season) : 6 clean sheets out of 7 appearances

David De Gea

21; Spain

Date of purchase : August 2011

Transfer fee : 2nd most expensive goalie after Gianluigi Buffon (wow)

Track record before United : 24 clean sheets out of the last 45 games at Atletico Madrid, International caps with Spain U-21

Track record after United (this season) : 23 goals conceded out of 18 appearances

I'm not going to write their track records in detail because I don't have the time or care, but in general it's easy to see the predicament that hangs over United's Sir. They are both obviously very capable and any one of the two would be an asset to any club, but who should be goalie numero uno?

De Gea hasn't had the easiest time since his debut, and the Mancs haven't exactly been kind to him either everytime he makes a blunder. Considering the act he has to follow that one's a given. But contrary to popular belief among the english football fans that don't keep tabs on La Liga, De Gea was actually a star at Atletico Madrid. In fact, he was probably one of the best which was why I cursed monkeys when I first heard United was going to sign him. He's young but he's very mature pitch-wise, you can see it in his confidence in the goal. A young skilled player that isn't afraid to play with the big boys - that's hard to find. 

I can't say much for Lindegaard though, because I've never paid much attention to him. He's always been in VDS' shadow and apparently he was off for sometime with an injury. But if I had to judge him by his recent shows this season I'd say he's not bad at all. Evidently he has a better United record but he hasn't had the same amount of appearances as De Gea so it wouldn't really be fair to compare them based on that, not to mention the fact that his games have been against slightly easier opponents - Norwich, Sunderland, Villa, Fulham, Wigan - compared to De Gea's who, as of now, is still Fergie's no. 1 choice.

Okay, so these two guys both know how to keep. Both of them are young but De Gea is way more younger than Lindegaard, which could either be his upperhand or downfall in the matter. I mean if United is looking for a long-term goalie then it's best to stick with De Gea. He's of worth and he still has a long future ahead. He's not had much of a hot season but I think people (especially the media) need to give the guy a break. He's just moved to a foreign country without being able to speak a word of english and not only does he have to adjust to the different style of play in the Premier but he also has to do it under the media scrutiny. In that sense he reminds me of Andy Carroll (big bucks has to equal big results!!!), except that Andy will always be an overpaid sloth no matter how you spin it. Anyways, De Gea just needs some time and better motivation. Maybe some food could help. 

It would probably be that simple if United weren't in a sticky situation at the moment. Obviously Lindegaard has had a more consistent run than De Gea, which is what they really need to keep up in the League. Fergie is sticking by his Spainiard's side, but if in the end they decide to go Danish I think De Gea won't have any trouble finding a new home ASAP if he would rather keep off the bench.

x Natasha

A Sweet Reunion

For the past couple of weeks, we've been graced with 2 major comeback stories, and everyone loves a comeback. Whether it be the return of a reigning king that gave up his kingdom to venture a new foreign land, or of an aging guard who just thought it was time to lay his weaponry down, it's always a generally welcomed surprise. 

THE ONES THAT HAVE COME BACK

The King
The return of the driving force of old Arsenal when their club was The Invincibles during his reign as captain is definitely seen as terrible news to the other Premier teams. Although Thierry Henry isn't planning on making this return permanent, he's already sketched a hopeful mark on every Gooner's brain during Arsenal's last match against Leeds United weeks ago, contributing the only goal of the match and gaining a win for his team. Henry's always been open about his deep-rooted affection with Arsenal even after his departure and the feeling was obviously mutual. Let's face it, Grandpa Wenger can't always rely on Robin Van Persie to save his team from the pits. As good-looking and amazing as RVP is, he's only human. And what with effective players like Gervinho, Thomas Vermaelen, and Jack Wilshere out for reasons of National duty or over-due injury, Wenger needs someone to help carry the load. Who's betting on Grandpa Wenger trying to make this deal more than just a poor 2 month-loan? Wager, anyone?

The Guardian

It would probably be more appropriate to call the other comeback a "paused retirement" since Paul Scholes had already decided to retire from the pitch before running back again. This certain comeback was understandably interpreted by everyone as desperation. Could it have something to do with Manchester United's ever-dominant neighbor? Not to mention Fergie's luck has the club losing players such as Nemanja Vidic, Tom Cleverly, and Ashley Young to a sudden curse of injuries. It didn't help things also that their young goalie, De Gea, kept messing up when it mattered most. So Fergie beckoned and Scholes answered immediately (I'm not even sure how the deal went down? What are papers when football honor is at stake!). But maybe he should have let the phone ring instead of answering because the man's comeback went from a warm welcome to second thoughts of retirement when during his return debut Scholes made a blatant mistake that cost his team a goal - and during their latest derby against Manchester City, nonetheless. They eventually won 3-2, but City made a marvelous strike back after initially being down 3-0. Fergie claims he has no regrets at all calling back the 37-year-old and says the redhead will be good for the team. Let's just hope he's wrong.

Now let's talk about the 'what if's. Here are the players I'd like to see make a second run at their old club.

THE ONES I'D LIKE TO SEE COME BACK

Xabi Alonso

 i did not choose this pic for its compromising position and allure.
honest.

where is he : Real Madrid FC

come back to : is this question really necessary?

The relentless twitter replies and Anfield hype whenever Xabi gets online or makes the time to watch our game urging him to come back to Liverpool has yet to be fruitful. Emotionally, this come back would be a good thing because, well, everyone loves and misses him okay. Strategically, though, this would also be a very good thing. Our midfield is tight now with Captain Fantastic Stevie G back, but what if in the (likely) event he gets another one of those groin injuries and is benched again for months? We could rely on Lucas, of course - if he wasn't injured himself. We have to be real, Xabi is one of the best in midfield, we need more help to stabilize that area and he obviously is still in love with the club. Heaven couldn't even make a better match than Xabi Alonso and a red jersey (no, not those hideous LFC-copied away kits Real Madrid forces him to wear on occasion ugh). Wishful thinking or not I will never stop wanting him to come back home.

Andriy Shevchenko

where is he : Dynamo Kiev

come back to : AC Milan

I've hinted quite a bit about my past fling with Serie A and AC Milan when I was younger which was mostly caused by Sheva. Brilliant, to say the least. His relationship with Milan was like spaghetti and bolognaise : you could evidently have them separately but they wouldn't be as good as if they were together. True to football karma, his spectacular shining run he had with teammates like Filippo Inzaghi and Kaka at Milan faded into obscurity after he signed a huge deal with Chelsea FC (of course). They eventually let him go back to Milan on loan but that comeback1 was nothing, the damage had already been done. Which is why I would like it if he had the chance to have another comeback to the Italian club - comeback2 - but with all his swag fully intact. Impossible but dream-worthy, even though they don't even need him at the moment.

Miroslav Klose

where is he : S.S. Lazio

come back to : Bayern Munich

If anyone can prove that age ain't nothin' but a numba' then it would be this guy. Most likely one of the best players in Bundesliga history and on the world stage (the only player ever to score more than 4 goals in three different tournaments), wouldn't it be amazing if he reunited with his old club and teamed up with its strong youngens? Not sure why Bayern was dumb enough to let a player like him walk away in the first place but apparently he's been making his mark at S.S. Lazio in Italy. Hopefully he's experienced some home sickness there because it's a bit weird seeing him in the middle of all those Italians being so tall and danty. It would be such a treat to football fans to see Klose link up with the bunch that Bayern Munich is currently holding, although I'm thinking it would pretty much look something like the German NT of the 2010 World Cup.

Ronaldo 

where is he : somewhere being awesome in his retired glory

come back to : anywhere, just coming back to the footy arena would be so nice

Remember joga bonito? It was Brazil's hakuna matata and Ronaldo was their Timon and Pumba. He spread his Latin American magic like nobody's business alongside some of the most dangerous teammates on a national stage, such as Ronaldinho, Rivaldo, and Roberto Carlos (am I the only one seeing an 'R' trend here?). Brazil was unstoppable in the world, and any club Ronaldo was perched at was the best. The only footballer as of current to have a talent anywhere near the Original Ronaldo would be Messi, which is probably why they are two out of the only three men in existence to win the FIFA Player of the Year award three times (the third man being the great Zinedine Zidane). He made his last appearance for the national team in June last year, 5 years after his last ever match for national duty.  Arguably one of the best footballers in history and appropriately named "El Fenomeno", it would be amazing to have that kind of genius active on the pitch again. It would also be exciting to see Ronaldo and Messi go head to head in a game. Not to mention being able to see him instead as a search result whenever I type 'Ronaldo' rather than the Portuguese Cristiano. I know this is an impossible one reminded his age and health, but I wasn't able to keep myself from mentioning him. Legend.

x Natasha