Real Dirty

What happens when you dress up a wild bull in a white jersey and release him on a football field during a big game against FC Barcelona?

That is what happens.

Everyone was furiously disgusted with this deliberate foul (you can see El Bull actually looking before he stepped on Messi's hand). And when I say everyone was mad I really mean EVERYONE - even the Moubsessed spanish press. Instead of their usual worship, the next day the headlines condemned the club, especially Pepe's infamous Messi stamp. One article even called Pepe "a public danger" like he was some sort of disease virus that was spreading around Spain.

I don't know what was going on in his brain when he thought stepping on Messi's hand would be an amazing idea to do, but you know it's really bad when even Wayne Rooney is calling you an idiot. Real Madrid made Pepe apologize publicly, but the damage to Real's image had been done. Who is going to believe in this PR crap? I don't think even the most deluded Madridista would fall for that shit. You know who he should be apologizing to directly? Umm, the guy who he actually stepped on. Just a suggestion.

To make the Real fiasco even worse, reports have been going public about a pretty intense dressing room squabble between Sergio Ramos and Los Blancos numero uno Jose Mourinho. Here is the confrontation that was overheard by everyone working under Real, since apparently they were all shouting at each other :

Mad Mou : "Serhio! You killed us! You killed us!"

The Ramos : "I did not kill you. You are still here, yes?"

Mad Mou : "I mean figuratively, you idiot!"

The Ramos : "Ohh..... figuratively. What does that mean?"

Mad Mou : "NEVERMIND WHAT IT MEANS. Where were you when Tarzan (Puyol) made his goal?!"

The Ramos : "I was guarding Pique, D'UUH."

San Iker : "Sir, if I may cut in-"

Mad Mou : "SHUT UP, IKER."

San Iker : "Okay."

Mad Mou : "Why were you on Pique?! You were suppose to be on Puyol!"

The Ramos : "Well, sometimes things get really confusing on the pitch - sometimes I get really confused anywhere - but at the time we decided to switch places cus I was watching Pique. He's a big mutherfu-"

Mad Mou : "Oh, so you're trying to be coach now, HUH??"

The Ramos : "No, but at least I've actually been on this kind of a pitch, unlike some people." 

Kaka : "Awww, snap."

Mad Mou : (scribbles in his notebook furiously)

That was all from my head but it's basically real since my imagination is as legit a source as Spanish media reports.

So, will this Real Madrid fiesta end in June?

Regardless, King Guardiola will be classily watching from his gold throne.

tears for Real

x Natasha

He's a Keeper

If you were the long-time head honcho of one of the biggest football clubs in England with a position on the pitch to be filled, what would you do?

It's been, what, 8 months since the departure of previous Manchester United goalkeeping legend Edwin van der Sar (or better known as VDS) and still his position between the posts has yet to be taken. Not because United doesn't have any replacement, rather they are ripped between choices : One being the talented young goalie from out of the country, David De Gea, and the other import being Danish goalkeeper, Anders Lindegaard. Both are young, talented, and proven eager to play for the club, but how do they compare?

Anders Lindegaard

27; Denmark

Date of purchase : November 2010

Transfer fee : only Fergie and his gum knows

Track record before United : capped 4 Internationals with generally clean sheets

Track record after United (this season) : 6 clean sheets out of 7 appearances

David De Gea

21; Spain

Date of purchase : August 2011

Transfer fee : 2nd most expensive goalie after Gianluigi Buffon (wow)

Track record before United : 24 clean sheets out of the last 45 games at Atletico Madrid, International caps with Spain U-21

Track record after United (this season) : 23 goals conceded out of 18 appearances

I'm not going to write their track records in detail because I don't have the time or care, but in general it's easy to see the predicament that hangs over United's Sir. They are both obviously very capable and any one of the two would be an asset to any club, but who should be goalie numero uno?

De Gea hasn't had the easiest time since his debut, and the Mancs haven't exactly been kind to him either everytime he makes a blunder. Considering the act he has to follow that one's a given. But contrary to popular belief among the english football fans that don't keep tabs on La Liga, De Gea was actually a star at Atletico Madrid. In fact, he was probably one of the best which was why I cursed monkeys when I first heard United was going to sign him. He's young but he's very mature pitch-wise, you can see it in his confidence in the goal. A young skilled player that isn't afraid to play with the big boys - that's hard to find. 

I can't say much for Lindegaard though, because I've never paid much attention to him. He's always been in VDS' shadow and apparently he was off for sometime with an injury. But if I had to judge him by his recent shows this season I'd say he's not bad at all. Evidently he has a better United record but he hasn't had the same amount of appearances as De Gea so it wouldn't really be fair to compare them based on that, not to mention the fact that his games have been against slightly easier opponents - Norwich, Sunderland, Villa, Fulham, Wigan - compared to De Gea's who, as of now, is still Fergie's no. 1 choice.

Okay, so these two guys both know how to keep. Both of them are young but De Gea is way more younger than Lindegaard, which could either be his upperhand or downfall in the matter. I mean if United is looking for a long-term goalie then it's best to stick with De Gea. He's of worth and he still has a long future ahead. He's not had much of a hot season but I think people (especially the media) need to give the guy a break. He's just moved to a foreign country without being able to speak a word of english and not only does he have to adjust to the different style of play in the Premier but he also has to do it under the media scrutiny. In that sense he reminds me of Andy Carroll (big bucks has to equal big results!!!), except that Andy will always be an overpaid sloth no matter how you spin it. Anyways, De Gea just needs some time and better motivation. Maybe some food could help. 

It would probably be that simple if United weren't in a sticky situation at the moment. Obviously Lindegaard has had a more consistent run than De Gea, which is what they really need to keep up in the League. Fergie is sticking by his Spainiard's side, but if in the end they decide to go Danish I think De Gea won't have any trouble finding a new home ASAP if he would rather keep off the bench.

x Natasha

A Sweet Reunion

For the past couple of weeks, we've been graced with 2 major comeback stories, and everyone loves a comeback. Whether it be the return of a reigning king that gave up his kingdom to venture a new foreign land, or of an aging guard who just thought it was time to lay his weaponry down, it's always a generally welcomed surprise. 

THE ONES THAT HAVE COME BACK

The King
The return of the driving force of old Arsenal when their club was The Invincibles during his reign as captain is definitely seen as terrible news to the other Premier teams. Although Thierry Henry isn't planning on making this return permanent, he's already sketched a hopeful mark on every Gooner's brain during Arsenal's last match against Leeds United weeks ago, contributing the only goal of the match and gaining a win for his team. Henry's always been open about his deep-rooted affection with Arsenal even after his departure and the feeling was obviously mutual. Let's face it, Grandpa Wenger can't always rely on Robin Van Persie to save his team from the pits. As good-looking and amazing as RVP is, he's only human. And what with effective players like Gervinho, Thomas Vermaelen, and Jack Wilshere out for reasons of National duty or over-due injury, Wenger needs someone to help carry the load. Who's betting on Grandpa Wenger trying to make this deal more than just a poor 2 month-loan? Wager, anyone?

The Guardian

It would probably be more appropriate to call the other comeback a "paused retirement" since Paul Scholes had already decided to retire from the pitch before running back again. This certain comeback was understandably interpreted by everyone as desperation. Could it have something to do with Manchester United's ever-dominant neighbor? Not to mention Fergie's luck has the club losing players such as Nemanja Vidic, Tom Cleverly, and Ashley Young to a sudden curse of injuries. It didn't help things also that their young goalie, De Gea, kept messing up when it mattered most. So Fergie beckoned and Scholes answered immediately (I'm not even sure how the deal went down? What are papers when football honor is at stake!). But maybe he should have let the phone ring instead of answering because the man's comeback went from a warm welcome to second thoughts of retirement when during his return debut Scholes made a blatant mistake that cost his team a goal - and during their latest derby against Manchester City, nonetheless. They eventually won 3-2, but City made a marvelous strike back after initially being down 3-0. Fergie claims he has no regrets at all calling back the 37-year-old and says the redhead will be good for the team. Let's just hope he's wrong.

Now let's talk about the 'what if's. Here are the players I'd like to see make a second run at their old club.

THE ONES I'D LIKE TO SEE COME BACK

Xabi Alonso

 i did not choose this pic for its compromising position and allure.
honest.

where is he : Real Madrid FC

come back to : is this question really necessary?

The relentless twitter replies and Anfield hype whenever Xabi gets online or makes the time to watch our game urging him to come back to Liverpool has yet to be fruitful. Emotionally, this come back would be a good thing because, well, everyone loves and misses him okay. Strategically, though, this would also be a very good thing. Our midfield is tight now with Captain Fantastic Stevie G back, but what if in the (likely) event he gets another one of those groin injuries and is benched again for months? We could rely on Lucas, of course - if he wasn't injured himself. We have to be real, Xabi is one of the best in midfield, we need more help to stabilize that area and he obviously is still in love with the club. Heaven couldn't even make a better match than Xabi Alonso and a red jersey (no, not those hideous LFC-copied away kits Real Madrid forces him to wear on occasion ugh). Wishful thinking or not I will never stop wanting him to come back home.

Andriy Shevchenko

where is he : Dynamo Kiev

come back to : AC Milan

I've hinted quite a bit about my past fling with Serie A and AC Milan when I was younger which was mostly caused by Sheva. Brilliant, to say the least. His relationship with Milan was like spaghetti and bolognaise : you could evidently have them separately but they wouldn't be as good as if they were together. True to football karma, his spectacular shining run he had with teammates like Filippo Inzaghi and Kaka at Milan faded into obscurity after he signed a huge deal with Chelsea FC (of course). They eventually let him go back to Milan on loan but that comeback1 was nothing, the damage had already been done. Which is why I would like it if he had the chance to have another comeback to the Italian club - comeback2 - but with all his swag fully intact. Impossible but dream-worthy, even though they don't even need him at the moment.

Miroslav Klose

where is he : S.S. Lazio

come back to : Bayern Munich

If anyone can prove that age ain't nothin' but a numba' then it would be this guy. Most likely one of the best players in Bundesliga history and on the world stage (the only player ever to score more than 4 goals in three different tournaments), wouldn't it be amazing if he reunited with his old club and teamed up with its strong youngens? Not sure why Bayern was dumb enough to let a player like him walk away in the first place but apparently he's been making his mark at S.S. Lazio in Italy. Hopefully he's experienced some home sickness there because it's a bit weird seeing him in the middle of all those Italians being so tall and danty. It would be such a treat to football fans to see Klose link up with the bunch that Bayern Munich is currently holding, although I'm thinking it would pretty much look something like the German NT of the 2010 World Cup.

Ronaldo 

where is he : somewhere being awesome in his retired glory

come back to : anywhere, just coming back to the footy arena would be so nice

Remember joga bonito? It was Brazil's hakuna matata and Ronaldo was their Timon and Pumba. He spread his Latin American magic like nobody's business alongside some of the most dangerous teammates on a national stage, such as Ronaldinho, Rivaldo, and Roberto Carlos (am I the only one seeing an 'R' trend here?). Brazil was unstoppable in the world, and any club Ronaldo was perched at was the best. The only footballer as of current to have a talent anywhere near the Original Ronaldo would be Messi, which is probably why they are two out of the only three men in existence to win the FIFA Player of the Year award three times (the third man being the great Zinedine Zidane). He made his last appearance for the national team in June last year, 5 years after his last ever match for national duty.  Arguably one of the best footballers in history and appropriately named "El Fenomeno", it would be amazing to have that kind of genius active on the pitch again. It would also be exciting to see Ronaldo and Messi go head to head in a game. Not to mention being able to see him instead as a search result whenever I type 'Ronaldo' rather than the Portuguese Cristiano. I know this is an impossible one reminded his age and health, but I wasn't able to keep myself from mentioning him. Legend.

x Natasha

The Football Oscars - 2012 Ballon d'Or

Was last night really a surprise for everyone when Lionel Messi nabbed his third Ballon d'Or in a row?

The man is a Messiah. If the football world is a chocolate factory then he is the Willy Wonka. Although everyone was happy for his well-deserved win, a lot of people - including myself - were a tad irked that Xavi Hernandez was still denied of the Golden Ball. And I don't think anyone who thought Xavi should win it are saying that Messi doesn't deserve it, it's just that Xavi also equally deserves it. I mean, Messi is young and I know people tend to forget how young he is because of his mature talent but Xavi is not so young and he could retire soon. I just don't want him to hang up his boots without getting his Golden Ball, you know? 2010 was definitely his year and yet he STILL didn't get it (that was Messi's 2nd win). If Xavi couldn't get it that year - the year where he was part of the historic Spain NT that won the last Euros and World Cup, something Messi has yet to accomplish with his own NT - then I really don't know what else there is left for him to do so he can. This is Leonardo DiCaprio and the Oscars all over again, really. At least he wasn't left out of FIFA's XI of the Year or I'd have to fly to Zurich myself and mess shit up.

My annoyance aside, I am happy for Messi and may God bless his humble soul. 

And I'm glad that King Pep Guardiola scored the award for Best Coach of the Year! Honestly, it should have been his from last year but it wouldn't be a proper awards event if the winners were screwed up occasionally, right? He even dedicated the award to his homeboy Tito.

he spoke and it was english
and everyone died

I read that the FIFA Presidential Award was given for services to football, so I guess Sir Alex Ferguson deserves that one since he's been in the game for what seems to be decades. Maybe Pep will follow in his red-faced footsteps. I bet the Mancs are just glad that the awkwardness Sepp Blatter brought onto the stage did not ruin Fergie's moment. Although the interaction between those two when Fergie was mumbling some things to Blatter wasn't really a pleasing passing moment either.

And Japan definitely owned the awards last night with Japan's Women NT coach Norio Sasaki and their captain Homare Sawa snagging awards in regards to Women's football. Sawa and some other teammates came to the event dressed in traditional kimonos which I thought were lovely. Workin' it, girlfriends.
Japan also won the Fair Play Award. Congrats, Japan!

Sawa and Messi, the best of both worlds

It was unfortunate though that the Puskas Award for Best Goal of the Year had to go to some little punk, also known as Neymar. Debates state Wayne Rooney should have won it, and even if he didn't it should have gone to Messi's goal instead rather than the little fetus'. Neymar stans, of course, stand by their teen-dad. To be honest I have to side with the people shouting Rooney for this one. You can judge for yourself. I think if this award was rigged we all know who the culprit is.

Congratulations to everyone else who went home with a prize in their hands!

Other highlights that are of ~real~ importance :

• The Original Ronaldo was there and the 2nd Ronaldo was not! bless the universe.
• Shakira's show-stopping red dress.
• Zidane's perfection.
• Rooney's styled (!!!) roots that had EVERYONE surprised.

Now that that's over, the only thing left to do is judge everyone who is anyone in football on their votes.

x Natasha